back to school

tomorrow morning i move in to my dorm room.

ive never lived away from home before - just one summer program for 3 weeks, another for 2 weeks, and another for 5 days. those hardly count as self-sufficiency and independence, yet they were some of the best experiences of my life.

but leaving home was difficult. i love the way the light slants into my room in the morning. i love the sound of the palm fronds as they brush against my window in a breeze. i love the clutter of my desk, the overstuffed perfection of my bookshelf, and especially my bathroom - silent, pale green, an oasis i designed for myself, a clean and lovely place to sigh.

i love walking down to the apple tree by the horses, watching them nudge up against the fence as i pick a few just-ripening tart green apples and eat them there, their chalky flavor just perfect, just home-grown enough to be real, to be mine.

i love my family, and the animals of our home, and the overstuffed sofa and TV always on CNN and something baked and delicious sitting on the granite countertop waiting to be tasted.

tomorrow something different is to be expected. i have 7 boxes, a car stuffed to the brim with bed, bath, & beyond supplies, and 2 bursting suitcases. im not sure how to feel yet - its been a long summer at times, short at others. i didnt do enough yoga or running or writing or reading, but i spent a lot of time with my mom and dad, a lot of time hiking, and a lot of time sleeping (although its never enough). they're sad to see me go; i feel like im ready - or i am now, after a week of vacation together and 2 months of non-stop company. in a month i may feel differently.

what i am looking forward to most is meeting people, finding my people, finding my friends. making my friends. learning the places to go. falling asleep outside on a grassy lawn, and doing homework in a real live library that awes you. exploring the city around me and going to yoga class with strangers. going to parties. getting drunk. getting kissed. kissing someone back. staying up late, waking up early, going to bed early, waking up late. having breakfast in the common room; going out for pizza; going out for lunch; going out shopping; taking the train; talking, talking, talking, being silent, being happy, being stressed, writing, going to class, learning, exploring, conversing, thinking, thinking a lot, being philosophical, being myself, finding myself, learning to know myself, learning to know other people, learning, learning more, learning to love, learning to live, learning to let live.

i dont know if college can give me this but its time i set out on my own. i could wait, but i can't. it is now; i am not going to stop this adventure. i will embrace it.